Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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