HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
