My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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