Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
