I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize