quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
