Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
