I have demons in me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
