I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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