There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
