ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
