had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
