I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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