OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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