I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
