Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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