she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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