just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
