Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
