you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Houston, we have a squirter
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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