using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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