forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
birth control should be required to get into college
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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