I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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