I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
