I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
