I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
