i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
