whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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