how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
