I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
