i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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