You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
