You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
