New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You pole danced in your parka.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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