so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
kristin has been a bad kristin
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
