she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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