All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
