New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
