I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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