I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
