They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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