I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
