Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
