so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
