it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
