The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
