Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
