I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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