so that wasnt chicken after all
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
