Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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