do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Someone came in the potted fern
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
