I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
