I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
