I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
