It's a beautiful day for a hangover
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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