That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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