Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
