i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize