I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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