Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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