Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
