Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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