I think scott just propositioned me for sex
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
