Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
