I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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